A 24 Hour Journey

Another journey in train. Another 24 hours of loneliness. I do not talk to commuters unless forced to speak. But this time has to be different. I had a gut feeling. Opposite to me, was a berth booked by someone named Shalini. I gave a second thought to it and dismissed what my heart said. After all, there are thousands of Shalini in this country and hundreds in Bangalore itself. My somewhat limited knowledge of probability gave me some inner strength and forced me to believe that this cannot be the same Shalini. But what I missed in the reservation chart was the age of this Shalini. So I was again decieved by my probabilistic argument and was shocked to see her. I recognized her immediately. She was not as beautiful as I last saw her but her indescribable majesty and indescribable charm still remained. In a flash, I lived my last 15 years in front of my eyes and then I remembered the last time I saw her.


I had to travel with Shalini and her husband to Bangalore because I was called by my supervisor to deal with some minor issues in my thesis. Shalini just got married and they planned there visit to Bangalore by train because they wanted to spend some time together without any one knowing them around. In a way, I was the culprit in their eyes. I could see the not so happy face of her husband and in a moment I felt like backing off. But then I remebered the stern face of my supervisor and thoughts of backing off soon vanished. I was travelling without reservation and her husband reluctantly offered his berth. Shalini was more inetersted in asking me that why I didn't turn up to her marriage. I made an excuse but I was not good at making excuses. She caught me and asked for the real reason. I didn't answer and stared outside the window and she got the message. After all, she knew the exact reason of my absence in her marriage. She left me and joined her husband. They started talking to an elderly couple in front of them.

Shalini never looked at me again. They seem to enjoy their conversation with the elderly couple. I slowly stood up and went to the gate. I looked at the sun and started thinking about my past and Shalini. Things were so different five years back. We lived in the same locality and studied in the same college. We were close friends and used to hang around a lot. We became interested in each other a lot during our undergrad studies. But then we both got a call from our respective careers. I had a dream to make it big in academics as my father and she had a dream to be like her father in management. We took diverging paths and vowed to meet again. Somehow, those diverging paths had only one meeting point, the one where we left each other. Though I was pursuing my higher studies in Bangalore but we started meeting less are less, and the last thing I came to know was, that she was involved with someone else. She knew about my feelings but still moved on. I gave a second thought and came to a conclusion that perhaps you cannot compare a 900K girl with a 100K boy. My thoughts shifted from my salary as a research assistant to my thesis and suddenly I was involved in the problem which came up in my thesis. I started thinking of the problem, my supervisor and his strict nature and what he will say to me, but somewhere back in my mind, I was still thinking of Shalini. It was 9 in the night and I was feeling the January wind under my throat. I moved back to my seat and found absolute mayhem there. The elderly woman was crying and people from our bogie surrounded her. Her husband was breathing heavily and slowly and then he became still. It took me seconds to realise the situation. The elderly man was dead, perhaps a massive heart attack or some other problem. Shalini was terribly shocked and her husband was holding her. Moments later, the TT came. Shalini was the first one to speak. She was pleading the TT to give them a different berth as she cannot sleep in front of a dead man. Then came a second suggestion that the elderly couple should be dropped at the next station. I tried to tell Shalini about the gravity of situation and about the woman but her husband interrupted me. Her husband asked me to keep quiet because I didn't know Shalini much. First massive blow to my heart and I momentarily stopped breathing. Somehow I managed to keep myself normal. I knew her better than her moron husband. I stepped back and heard her husband saying to move the elderly man's body somewhere else, or drop the couple at the next station. Public were also supporting Shalini and her husband and the TT was left with no choice. I saw the face of the elderly woman who was unable to understand the sudden change in the behaviour of the fellow passengers. I don't know the rules of Indian railways but this was plain wrong. How can they leave an old woman who just lost her husband on a station? Then a second thought came. Perhaps, I was wrong because I didn't have my own family and these honourable men were right.

The train stopped at the next station. I saw the woman getting off with her husband's dead body at the next station. In this chilly night, she was all alone on the station. There were few people on the station. I saw the woman again and her helpless face reminded me of my mother. For the first time in my life, my heart and brain agreed and I decided to get off. To hell with my thesis and with this newly wed couple. I decided to get off too. I took my luggage and left the train. Shalini saw me getting off and asked me what I was doing. I gave her a cursory glance and didn't answer. Her husband must be happy but reluctantly asked me to come in. I replied him that I was just trying to help the elderly woman because she had no where to go. I waved them goodbye and train started moving. I looked at Shalini for one last time, and murmured, "I still love you." Perhaps she got my words, but I had no intentions of meeting her again. Perhaps I started seeing her as a woman without heart for what she did to the old woman. Perhaps, this was just an excuse to throw her from my heart. Perhaps I made a decision in haste and I would have done the same, if I were her. Perhaps this woman don't need my help. As I moved towards the elderly woman, I made a call to my supervisor. I told him the entire drama and he supported my decision. I thanked him from my heart. Perhaps I am really bad at recognizing people.


Suddenly, I felt a pinch and I woke up from my past. I saw Shalini smiling. Yet again I will be forced to speak. Shalini asked me about my work and whereabouts and triumpahantly told me that we were meeting after six years. She wanted to know what I was doing. I knew that she knows all. She always called my parents and inquired about me after I stopped meeting her. I replied that I still remember the last time we saw each other. My face told her all. She was silent for a long time and tears escaped her eyes. I looked at her and then stared outside the window. The train slowly moved on. Another 24 hours of loneliness but this time a loneliness of different kind.